Honesty

This might be longer than I expected it to be but I have a lot going on in this head of mine.

There is a show that I watch on Hulu called The Carrie Diaries. Its about Carrie Bradshaw when she was younger. If you don't know who Carrie is here she is:

That's right Sex in the City.

Anyways It got me thinking of me when I was younger. The one thing that I said I hated, that I felt was following me all the time, I never really knew what it was in the first place. I'm talking about drama. I never had any real drama, and when I think about it I had just started to experience life. There is always a question in my head, "Would I have done anything different?" 

I need to put out a disclaimer first:

I love my life now. I love my husband with all my heart. I am happy where I am now. 

Now saying that I wonder what would have happened if the events in my life were different. Like would if I never stopped swimming? Maybe I would be finally done with college. Maybe I wouldn't be as big as I am now. Or what if I went to NAU instead of GCU , again I would have been teaching by now. 

The big question is what can I do now to really live?

I don't want to be the wife that's clipping coupons and waiting for here husband to get home at 9:30 pm just to want to go to bed. I'm only 22, not 85.

I want to go out with friends dancing, I want to stay out till 3 am having fun. I would like to have spontaneous meetings with the man of my dreams (Mitch) I want to see the city lights from a distance. I want to act my age. I don't have kids why can't I act like I'm 22?

Another thing I want to wear things that are daring. Not so much skanky, I still want to dress modest but I want to make a statement. I don't, I dress like I am a soccer mom, and again I repeat I am not a mom yet !