Life changes

I had a plan. It was perfect.

It changed.

I couldn't be happier that it did.

The original plan: Because we were having a hard time conceiving a precious baby, I would finish my degree in social work by 2016. I would find my grad schools to start the next fall and get my masters in social work. I would hopefully work for either the VA hospital or DCFS (because they would help pay off student loans). After four or five years I would go back to grad school to get my MFT(marriage and family therapy degree) so I could start my own practice doing marriage and pre-marital therapy.

The new and improved plan: I will finish this semester at school and then take off the summer and fall. I will slowly start back school in the spring with some night and weekend classes. Then the following fall I will be doing my internship and finish my BSW in the spring of 2017. I won't go to grad school right away but I will find a practice that will take a BSW.

Why the change of plans? Well for those who don't know, this past Tuesday marked my 18 weeks of pregnancy. 

In December Mitch and I traveled to Arizona and California for Christmas. That's the excuse I gave myself when I missed my period. I didn't think much about missing it, when we were first married I had missed 6 months of my period later finding out it was PCOS that caused that hiatus. So this one missed period was either due to another cyst or the traveling that I was doing. When we got back from vacation I got a terrible cold that turned into pneumonia. 

Now again if you don't know me well, my body doesn't like antibiotics so it is hard for doctors to give me something that I won't have an allergic reaction to. So when I started to throw up a ton I thought it was due to the antibiotics that I was taking. So I stopped taking them.

I still got super sick everyday, all day. Nothing seemed to be the matter now. So I bought a pregnancy test just to make sure it wasn't that. 

That night with Mitch waiting on the couch, and me in the bathroom frozen from the now known cause of my sickness. 

I came out of the door crying, saying to Mitch "I'm not ready to be a mom"

Yes, I was upset. I had a plan.

 What was I going to do? I had school, an internship coming up, a great job.

Everything changed very quickly.

My mindset at most.

It didn't take long for me to love this baby with all I had.

Everyday since I found out that I am carrying a precious package inside me, I have been terrified.

People tell that scariest stories when your are pregnant, especially when you don't know what normal is or what is common during pregnancy.

I am still terrified. 

I just want to constantly know that my baby is okay.

I want to know what it feels like when it moves (other than the description of flutters).

I want to know that my baby is okay.